Monday, November 14, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center of a Tootsie Pop…
As I’m sitting here licking/crunching the first Tootsie Pop I’ve consumed in years, I realized that I haven’t written a serious blog in a while.
As the weeks go by, I miss my computer less and less and find that I simply have no reason to be on it. So it sits on my shelf, forgotten, until nights like tonight. I’ve also fallen in love with writing by hand all over again, so I’ve become slightly reluctant to type much of anything. I’m definitely writing things by hand more than I have in years; I can tell because I filled up almost a fourth of a journal since I have been here – a journal that I have been writing in since March 2009.
I’ve had such mixed feelings about filling up my journal. I have been carrying the same pages around for over two years, filling it with prayers, daily concerns, verses, quotes, emotional vomit, insights, thoughts, and countless words. It’s like a little snapshot into my heart, and I’m reluctant to let it go. At the same time, I love fresh starts and everything that they symbolize, so I’m becoming attached to my new journal awfully fast. I have a feeling that it will fill up before these nine months are over.
So I definitely need to update about the solo trip:
We drove to South Padre on Monday morning. I woke up in the wee little hours of the morning so that I could shower before camping out for a couple of days, and then we scooted on out of camp at 6 a.m. I rode with Jaclyn (our director’s wife), her baby Madison, and two other Walkabouters (Grant and Madei) on the way there. It was delightfully chill and nap-filled. After having to stop our caravan about every hour for tiny bladders, we finally made it to Padre. We drove into the park, pulled into the welcome center for one last bathroom stop and to organize our supplies, but as soon as we all stepped out of our vehicles, everyone started coughing and sneezing. There was red tide.
This is where I wish I had internet and could tell you a dozen little facts about red tide, but here’s what I do know:
FACT:
We were all coughing because red tide causes people to react with allergy-like symptoms. It affects people who already have allergies worse than other people.
FACT:
Red tide’s main effect is that it kills fish. The park ranger said that they hadn’t had a major fish kill in two weeks. He also said that it wasn’t that bad on most part of the beach.
FACT:
The red tide was worse the further down we went on the beach and the there were dead fish EVERYWHERE. The stench was horrible and the red tide was affecting us so badly that some people were having trouble breathing.
Long story short, the red tide made us turn around and drive back to camp again. We stopped and ate some pizza, then headed back to camp, a little sniffly and pretty disappointed that our beach trip was ruined. It’s hard to know that God has perfect timing and plans for everything but still want to be bummed about not getting to stay on the beach for 4 days. I had no idea then what a huge blessing that getting turned around would turn out to be.
The next morning, we all met at Mi Casa at 11 for a late breakfast and to discuss what we would be doing instead of our solo. Aaron sat us down, debriefed the day before briefly, and then told us to grab what we had packed to go to the beach because we were starting our solo in the back country of camp in about an hour. Talk about a lot of ups and downs; we went from mentally preparing for our 48 hour solos, to being disappointed that they weren’t going to happen anymore, to having to mentally prepare for them all over again in an entirely different setting.
Oh man, I can’t even begin to describe how incredible those two days were. I was one of the first two people to get dropped off. I have been out to the back country a couple of times, so I knew exactly where I was, but it was a completely new experience for me to be back there alone. I was able to be in constant conversation with God for two entire days, without distraction or ceasing. It’s hard to explain, but spending that time being so intimate with God changes your heart in some subtle, but powerful, ways. For the first time, I felt my heart really and truly fall in love with God. I had no idea what to expect from my solo; I didn’t think God would give me some huge revelation and I didn’t have any huge sin in my life that I wasn’t already in conversation with God about. So, God just used that time to revive my soul and turn over more of heart to him. Those were the best two days that I can ever remember having.
You should check out the photo album on the Camp Eagle Walkabout facebook page to see pictures!
As the weeks go by, I miss my computer less and less and find that I simply have no reason to be on it. So it sits on my shelf, forgotten, until nights like tonight. I’ve also fallen in love with writing by hand all over again, so I’ve become slightly reluctant to type much of anything. I’m definitely writing things by hand more than I have in years; I can tell because I filled up almost a fourth of a journal since I have been here – a journal that I have been writing in since March 2009.
I’ve had such mixed feelings about filling up my journal. I have been carrying the same pages around for over two years, filling it with prayers, daily concerns, verses, quotes, emotional vomit, insights, thoughts, and countless words. It’s like a little snapshot into my heart, and I’m reluctant to let it go. At the same time, I love fresh starts and everything that they symbolize, so I’m becoming attached to my new journal awfully fast. I have a feeling that it will fill up before these nine months are over.
So I definitely need to update about the solo trip:
We drove to South Padre on Monday morning. I woke up in the wee little hours of the morning so that I could shower before camping out for a couple of days, and then we scooted on out of camp at 6 a.m. I rode with Jaclyn (our director’s wife), her baby Madison, and two other Walkabouters (Grant and Madei) on the way there. It was delightfully chill and nap-filled. After having to stop our caravan about every hour for tiny bladders, we finally made it to Padre. We drove into the park, pulled into the welcome center for one last bathroom stop and to organize our supplies, but as soon as we all stepped out of our vehicles, everyone started coughing and sneezing. There was red tide.
This is where I wish I had internet and could tell you a dozen little facts about red tide, but here’s what I do know:
FACT:
We were all coughing because red tide causes people to react with allergy-like symptoms. It affects people who already have allergies worse than other people.
FACT:
Red tide’s main effect is that it kills fish. The park ranger said that they hadn’t had a major fish kill in two weeks. He also said that it wasn’t that bad on most part of the beach.
FACT:
The red tide was worse the further down we went on the beach and the there were dead fish EVERYWHERE. The stench was horrible and the red tide was affecting us so badly that some people were having trouble breathing.
Long story short, the red tide made us turn around and drive back to camp again. We stopped and ate some pizza, then headed back to camp, a little sniffly and pretty disappointed that our beach trip was ruined. It’s hard to know that God has perfect timing and plans for everything but still want to be bummed about not getting to stay on the beach for 4 days. I had no idea then what a huge blessing that getting turned around would turn out to be.
The next morning, we all met at Mi Casa at 11 for a late breakfast and to discuss what we would be doing instead of our solo. Aaron sat us down, debriefed the day before briefly, and then told us to grab what we had packed to go to the beach because we were starting our solo in the back country of camp in about an hour. Talk about a lot of ups and downs; we went from mentally preparing for our 48 hour solos, to being disappointed that they weren’t going to happen anymore, to having to mentally prepare for them all over again in an entirely different setting.
Oh man, I can’t even begin to describe how incredible those two days were. I was one of the first two people to get dropped off. I have been out to the back country a couple of times, so I knew exactly where I was, but it was a completely new experience for me to be back there alone. I was able to be in constant conversation with God for two entire days, without distraction or ceasing. It’s hard to explain, but spending that time being so intimate with God changes your heart in some subtle, but powerful, ways. For the first time, I felt my heart really and truly fall in love with God. I had no idea what to expect from my solo; I didn’t think God would give me some huge revelation and I didn’t have any huge sin in my life that I wasn’t already in conversation with God about. So, God just used that time to revive my soul and turn over more of heart to him. Those were the best two days that I can ever remember having.
You should check out the photo album on the Camp Eagle Walkabout facebook page to see pictures!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Chilly weather!
It’s a milestone day: I had to wear a jacket almost all day long for warmth.
Also, I’m enjoying wearing argyle socks with chacos :)
Bring it on winter!
Also, I’m enjoying wearing argyle socks with chacos :)
Bring it on winter!
10/17
I found out in class today what will happen on our next trip. We leave in one week for Padre Island, and for the first 48 hours we will be totally isolated. That means that our directors are going to take us in a truck and drop us off a half-mile or so from one another and then pick us up two days later. We made mini stoves the other day our of soda cans and today we cut two sticks, got an 8x10 tarp, and several pieces of p-cord to make our shelters out of. Basically, we are living in a extremely minimalistic way for two days so that we can be totally alone with ourselves and God.
God has a habit of making himself known in big ways out in the wilderness and in our world, where we constantly escape God, our thoughts, and finding out who we are by listening to music, watching tv, or being around people, having a 48 hour solo is something none of us would be likely to do on our own time.
I have no idea what to expect from this trip, but I think it will be the hardest one of the year. I expect it to be hard and revealing, awful and beautiful. Honestly, I am afraid of what God might reveal to me about myself during that time. I know that I have hidden a lot of things deep inside of my heart and I have no idea what he is going to bring out. I won’t have my watch or any way to time how long I spend reading the bible, journaling, or even sleeping. I won’t be able to see or talk to anyone (don’t worry, we’ll be given whistles and air horns for safety). I won’t have anything but my journal and the Bible.
This trip has the potential to do big things in my heart and in my life and I am praying for the courage to be ready to deal with whatever God puts on my heart.
God has a habit of making himself known in big ways out in the wilderness and in our world, where we constantly escape God, our thoughts, and finding out who we are by listening to music, watching tv, or being around people, having a 48 hour solo is something none of us would be likely to do on our own time.
I have no idea what to expect from this trip, but I think it will be the hardest one of the year. I expect it to be hard and revealing, awful and beautiful. Honestly, I am afraid of what God might reveal to me about myself during that time. I know that I have hidden a lot of things deep inside of my heart and I have no idea what he is going to bring out. I won’t have my watch or any way to time how long I spend reading the bible, journaling, or even sleeping. I won’t be able to see or talk to anyone (don’t worry, we’ll be given whistles and air horns for safety). I won’t have anything but my journal and the Bible.
This trip has the potential to do big things in my heart and in my life and I am praying for the courage to be ready to deal with whatever God puts on my heart.
10/14
Sometimes it is still so surreal that I am living here because of how incredible my days are here. Two days ago, I spent most of my day in class and we spent almost the entire time discussing 1 John. Seriously, how often does that happen? How often do you get hours upon end to sit with a group of people and really get after a book of the bible? And even then, how often does that happen without being distracted by the constant barrage of distractions, worries, and cares that everyday life brings? We sat in Mi Casa with our Bibles and notes with nothing but the beauty of our surroundings to distract us.
But not only am I in a place where I have experience spiritual discipline like never before, I am also living more adventurously than I ever imagined I had the capability for. I had to clean up breakfast today, but afterwards I played a round of disc golf with Tyler, Heather, and Andrea (all Walkabouters) (well, by a round of golf, I mean that we played until Tyler’s disc landed in the river and he was too cold when he got out of the river to play anymore), a game that I never imagined I would like. Then I exercised with one of my roommates, cleaned lunch, and then went to work the rappel site for 3 hours. I never would have pictured myself sitting on the top of the ledge of a cliff, just chatting with a friend, but that’s I did all afternoon while waiting for people to come up and rappel. Afterwards, we all went on another long bike ride and fell in love with creation all over again.
My days here are ridiculous. Most days are incredibly busy and exhausting (I have to be in the kitchen at 6:30 tomorrow morning to prepare breakfast), but when I have free time, I am able to do the most incredible things. Even when I am working though, I wouldn’t trade what I do for anything other job. This is the place I wanted to come to when I needed an escape; I saw it as a safe haven. Now, it has worked its way into my heart in such a way that I see it as home.
But not only am I in a place where I have experience spiritual discipline like never before, I am also living more adventurously than I ever imagined I had the capability for. I had to clean up breakfast today, but afterwards I played a round of disc golf with Tyler, Heather, and Andrea (all Walkabouters) (well, by a round of golf, I mean that we played until Tyler’s disc landed in the river and he was too cold when he got out of the river to play anymore), a game that I never imagined I would like. Then I exercised with one of my roommates, cleaned lunch, and then went to work the rappel site for 3 hours. I never would have pictured myself sitting on the top of the ledge of a cliff, just chatting with a friend, but that’s I did all afternoon while waiting for people to come up and rappel. Afterwards, we all went on another long bike ride and fell in love with creation all over again.
My days here are ridiculous. Most days are incredibly busy and exhausting (I have to be in the kitchen at 6:30 tomorrow morning to prepare breakfast), but when I have free time, I am able to do the most incredible things. Even when I am working though, I wouldn’t trade what I do for anything other job. This is the place I wanted to come to when I needed an escape; I saw it as a safe haven. Now, it has worked its way into my heart in such a way that I see it as home.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Life goes on and on and on...
Facts about my life lately because I've been too busy/tired to write posts:
1. There is a Baylor alum here working for a few weeks and every time we do a sic 'em together, my heart is SO happy!'
2. I had my birthday on the 6th! I was so happy when I got on the internet today and dozens of people had wished me happy birthday. I know that it is so hard to contact me/keep in touch/communicate with me at all out here, but it was incredible to see that so many people were still thinking about me :)
3. Walkabout threw a birthday party for me and the other two thirds of my baking club made me a delicious raspberry lemon cake. I thought that the party started an hour later than it really did, so I showed up a full 45 minutes late to my own birthday party. It's my party and I can be fashionably late if I want to...?
4. My bike rides are getting progressively longer, which makes bike-riding bonding time even more legit. I have had some of the best conversations here while on a bike ride. My recent buddy has been Heissel, who warms my heart each time we chat.
5. I might be heading to College Station for a day this weekend!!!
6. There was a wedding here this past weekend for one of the full-time staff members. I didn't get to see the wedding because I was cooking for the reception the entire time, but everything that I saw was beautiful. His new wife will be moving out here and I cannot wait to see another couple living out here. The marriages here are beautiful to see; they are such testaments to a Christ-centered union.
7. I have been busybusybusy. Retreat season is crazy, especially when we have classes and all kinds of various things in between.
I'm finally settling into life here and I couldn't be happier :)
1. There is a Baylor alum here working for a few weeks and every time we do a sic 'em together, my heart is SO happy!'
2. I had my birthday on the 6th! I was so happy when I got on the internet today and dozens of people had wished me happy birthday. I know that it is so hard to contact me/keep in touch/communicate with me at all out here, but it was incredible to see that so many people were still thinking about me :)
3. Walkabout threw a birthday party for me and the other two thirds of my baking club made me a delicious raspberry lemon cake. I thought that the party started an hour later than it really did, so I showed up a full 45 minutes late to my own birthday party. It's my party and I can be fashionably late if I want to...?
4. My bike rides are getting progressively longer, which makes bike-riding bonding time even more legit. I have had some of the best conversations here while on a bike ride. My recent buddy has been Heissel, who warms my heart each time we chat.
5. I might be heading to College Station for a day this weekend!!!
6. There was a wedding here this past weekend for one of the full-time staff members. I didn't get to see the wedding because I was cooking for the reception the entire time, but everything that I saw was beautiful. His new wife will be moving out here and I cannot wait to see another couple living out here. The marriages here are beautiful to see; they are such testaments to a Christ-centered union.
7. I have been busybusybusy. Retreat season is crazy, especially when we have classes and all kinds of various things in between.
I'm finally settling into life here and I couldn't be happier :)
Monday, October 3, 2011
Starbucks again
I'm in town for the second time since I've been to camp. I have missed the smell of coffee, but being around so many people is so strange! The four of us who are in town together went to Walmart a few hours ago and it was so striking how different everything seems after you have been at camp. Acclimating myself to the real world again will be interesting come May...
I want to use my sparse internet time to reply to emails, send messages to friends and loved ones, and just be social with people that I miss. Unfortunately, I have had to spend my precious hours on calling loan lenders, taking exit counseling for loans because I dropped below half-time enrollment, and ordering contacts.
Things I don't miss:
-errands
-having to keep with all of my responsibilities (it's so easy to not have to think about them on days without internet access)
-spending money
That about sums up my day.
In other news, I have a HUGE praise! Someone is going to move into my apartment in two weeks!! I am so excited!! That relieves so much stress off of me and my family :) God really does provide. I love him so much.
I want to use my sparse internet time to reply to emails, send messages to friends and loved ones, and just be social with people that I miss. Unfortunately, I have had to spend my precious hours on calling loan lenders, taking exit counseling for loans because I dropped below half-time enrollment, and ordering contacts.
Things I don't miss:
-errands
-having to keep with all of my responsibilities (it's so easy to not have to think about them on days without internet access)
-spending money
That about sums up my day.
In other news, I have a HUGE praise! Someone is going to move into my apartment in two weeks!! I am so excited!! That relieves so much stress off of me and my family :) God really does provide. I love him so much.
Monday, September 26, 2011
9/18 Baking!
Today was supposed to be a work day, but because we have all become cleaning pros, we finished by 2 and had the rest of the day off.
As far as love languages go, gifts always seems to be low on my list for both giving and receiving. I do, however, love to give the gift of sweet treats to others. Absolutely LOVE it. I tend not to be the most creative person in the kitchen and everyone ALWAYS seems to be watching their sugar intake, so it hasn’t happened as often as I would have liked it to, but I did know that it would be something that I missed doing when I came to camp.
So what did I do when I realized that I had an afternoon off? I ran up to the Mi Casa kitchen and whipped up a quick batch of snickerdoodles! It felt so wonderful to bake again, and it felt even better to know that I had at least 17 other friends here that would love the surprise of a freshly baked cookie. There is nothing more disappointing than seeing your sweet treats go stale on your kitchen counter (or feeling cookie guilt after you finish the leftovers on your own!). So I packed up the cookies in my bag and biked around camp like a little cookie fairy, rushing around because about half of our group was about to leave for Rocksprings.
Every week, a group of Walkabouters go to FBC Rocksprings on Sunday nights for youth. Last year, the walkabout students stepped up to take over that youth group because they had never had any real leadership before. It’s an incredible ministry that about 8 students have committed to going to every Sunday. They spend their free time planning lessons and activities for these kids who live in a small town where the gospel is largely unknown. There is very little for the kids to do in Rocksprings and because the town sees a lot of drugs trafficked through, there are a ton of drug problems there. Each year, a huge percentage of students drop out of high school and it is common for a girl to have a child by the time she is 15 or 16. These kids have heartbreaking stories of how common abuse and hurt is in their lives and I am so glad that Walkabout has taken the youth group under its wing. I’m not a part of the core group, but I really hope to go throughout the year and just help that ministry in any way that I can.
While they were gone, five of us went over to our director’s house to do homework and eat leftover food. While we were eating and talking, the most incredible thunderstorm I have seen in months began. We turned off all of the lights in the house and just watched the lightning and listened to the rain for hours. The storm was incredible, but the best part of the night was the conversation that occurred during the storm. Because there were only a few of us, we were able to get to know one another on a more intimate level. It can be really hard to bring it in when there are 18 kids just hanging out and being silly, so getting several of us together to talk was refreshing in a very emotional way. I crave intimacy with others and that was exactly what I got from our lightning watching party.
I would definitely call today a success.
As far as love languages go, gifts always seems to be low on my list for both giving and receiving. I do, however, love to give the gift of sweet treats to others. Absolutely LOVE it. I tend not to be the most creative person in the kitchen and everyone ALWAYS seems to be watching their sugar intake, so it hasn’t happened as often as I would have liked it to, but I did know that it would be something that I missed doing when I came to camp.
So what did I do when I realized that I had an afternoon off? I ran up to the Mi Casa kitchen and whipped up a quick batch of snickerdoodles! It felt so wonderful to bake again, and it felt even better to know that I had at least 17 other friends here that would love the surprise of a freshly baked cookie. There is nothing more disappointing than seeing your sweet treats go stale on your kitchen counter (or feeling cookie guilt after you finish the leftovers on your own!). So I packed up the cookies in my bag and biked around camp like a little cookie fairy, rushing around because about half of our group was about to leave for Rocksprings.
Every week, a group of Walkabouters go to FBC Rocksprings on Sunday nights for youth. Last year, the walkabout students stepped up to take over that youth group because they had never had any real leadership before. It’s an incredible ministry that about 8 students have committed to going to every Sunday. They spend their free time planning lessons and activities for these kids who live in a small town where the gospel is largely unknown. There is very little for the kids to do in Rocksprings and because the town sees a lot of drugs trafficked through, there are a ton of drug problems there. Each year, a huge percentage of students drop out of high school and it is common for a girl to have a child by the time she is 15 or 16. These kids have heartbreaking stories of how common abuse and hurt is in their lives and I am so glad that Walkabout has taken the youth group under its wing. I’m not a part of the core group, but I really hope to go throughout the year and just help that ministry in any way that I can.
While they were gone, five of us went over to our director’s house to do homework and eat leftover food. While we were eating and talking, the most incredible thunderstorm I have seen in months began. We turned off all of the lights in the house and just watched the lightning and listened to the rain for hours. The storm was incredible, but the best part of the night was the conversation that occurred during the storm. Because there were only a few of us, we were able to get to know one another on a more intimate level. It can be really hard to bring it in when there are 18 kids just hanging out and being silly, so getting several of us together to talk was refreshing in a very emotional way. I crave intimacy with others and that was exactly what I got from our lightning watching party.
I would definitely call today a success.
9/17 Sabbath
Also known as the day when you get to use internet.
Every week or so, we get a day or two off and today was my Sabbath for the week. It was closed campus, which meant that we have to stay at camp, but we don’t have to work, go to any meetings, or even show up for meals if we don’t want to.
This morning, I went biking again in the rain with another student, Chris, and then took my first shower in about two-ish days. In the mean time, I considered putting dreads into the mess on my head, but I think that could be a project for another day.
I had planned on spending most of my afternoon journaling, doing homework, and reading, but the group that is here decided that they wanted to do the mud pit. As soon as I heard that, there was no way that they were going to go without me.
When I say mud pit, what I’m really talking about is a mud crater that has been filled with water for about 20-or-so weeks straight. And what that really means is that you can get mid-thigh deep in mud in some places. Let’s be honest: how often are you really going to have access to a giant mud crater in your life? This is why I make it a point to enjoy it to the fullest every single time I have the opportunity. I go crazy for that mud pit. It’s definitely in my top three favorite activities at camp.
I really treasure my Sabbaths here because it really gives me an opportunity to slow down and truly appreciate the gift that I’ve been given just to be here.
Psalm 13:5-6 “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.”
Every week or so, we get a day or two off and today was my Sabbath for the week. It was closed campus, which meant that we have to stay at camp, but we don’t have to work, go to any meetings, or even show up for meals if we don’t want to.
This morning, I went biking again in the rain with another student, Chris, and then took my first shower in about two-ish days. In the mean time, I considered putting dreads into the mess on my head, but I think that could be a project for another day.
I had planned on spending most of my afternoon journaling, doing homework, and reading, but the group that is here decided that they wanted to do the mud pit. As soon as I heard that, there was no way that they were going to go without me.
When I say mud pit, what I’m really talking about is a mud crater that has been filled with water for about 20-or-so weeks straight. And what that really means is that you can get mid-thigh deep in mud in some places. Let’s be honest: how often are you really going to have access to a giant mud crater in your life? This is why I make it a point to enjoy it to the fullest every single time I have the opportunity. I go crazy for that mud pit. It’s definitely in my top three favorite activities at camp.
I really treasure my Sabbaths here because it really gives me an opportunity to slow down and truly appreciate the gift that I’ve been given just to be here.
Psalm 13:5-6 “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.”
Saturday, September 17, 2011
A Day in the Life - 9/16
Now that all of training is over and groups are starting to come, we’ve finally gotten into the swing of things. We’ve had class daily since Wednesday and there have more opportunities for real connecting to happen between the students. I feel like my day will be pretty representative of what a normal day will look like here:
6:42 a.m.
Alarms start going off in my side of the cabin. I still have eight minutes left on my alarm, but when you share a room with four other girls, the time you wake up and fall asleep often depends on them. I check my watch to make sure I still have a few minutes to sleep and then I roll over and try to catch a few more zzz’s.
6:50 a.m.
My alarm finally goes off and I roll out of bed, grab my contacts, and do the whole morning hygiene routine. Unless I am going to work out in the morning (like I am tomorrow morning – biking!!), I always shower before dinner or before bed so that I can wash the daily grime off. After I finish in the bathroom, I make my bed, get dressed, and gather my things for the morning.
7:17
I leave the cabin to head up to our common area/kitchen and dining room/classroom space: Mi Casa. Mi Casa is the common space that the backpacking program here (Eagle Quest) uses during the summer, and it’s a five-ish minute walk uphill from our cabins. This morning I almost turned around and grabbed my rain jacket because it looked like it was going to rain, but its been so dry out here that I decided against it..
7:22
I get to Mi Casa and I’m hungry and ready to eat breakfast. Unfortunately, someone locked us out of MI Casa the night before. Mi Casa is essentially a decked out screen shelter, so we have to close everything up at night to keep the raccoons out. The only time this is a bad thing is when someone accidentally forgets to leave the door unlocked.
7:25
I decide to go ahead and start my quiet time instead of eating breakfast first. We usually have an hour in the morning to eat and have a quiet time. I normally eat breakfast first so that I can spend as much time as possible in the word, but I switched it up a little today.
7:45
Josh and Meredith, our mentors/leaders, come to breakfast and unlock Mi Casa after sending another student on his bike to go find keys. I go inside, make some yummy oatmeal, and then go to have breakfast.
8:10
I go back to my quiet time. I read out of Matthew, Genesis and Job and then review verses from a lesson last night about God’s faithfulness, love, and how he always chooses us. Let me just go ahead and share those because they are incredible:
John 1:12-13; 1 John 3:1; Galations 4:6-7; James 2:5; Romans 8:17; 1 Peter 2:9-10; John 15:16; Isaiah 62:12; John 3:16; Romans 5:8; Romans 6:23; Hebrews 13:20; Hebrews 9:15; Romans 5:6,8; Romans 8:14-15; Matthew 1:21; Romans 6:1-6; Romans 8:1-2
8:12
It starts raining
8:53
We all stand outside for a few minutes trying to decide whether or not we should go to the training we are supposed to be at by nine. We start running there in the rain anyways (none of us have our rain jackets with us).
9:10
The guy who is supposed to be training us finally shows up and says we can’t do anything because of the rain. We go over some stuff anyways.
9:30
I run back to my cabin to get my laptop and then walk back up to Mi Casa. I journal and write until lunch.
12:00
A couple of the guys made grilled cheese and ramen noodles for lunch to mix up out usual spread of sandwiches and chips (we eat other things when we eat with retreat groups, but when we’re on own, its usually sandwiches).
1:00
Class time! We are starting from the basics and progressing throughout the year. Our class was over making observations while reading your Bible. We focused on 1 John 1:5-7 and discussed the importance of making observations before interpreting the Bible.
3:00
We met one of the full-time staff and went to go do a work project. We started making a garden and my job was to go find volleyball-sized or bigger rocks to line the garden with.
4:30
I went to the logistics meeting in the coffee shop so that we could go over the schedule for the group that came in tonight.
5:00
Dinner prep! Two other students and I made quesadillas and guacamole for everyone. I made some cupcakes too! We finally got some butter, vanilla, and eggs up at Mi Casa and I was so excited to bake again. That is definitely something that I miss.
7:00
We ate our delicious dinner. Yummm.
7:30
We started cleaning. I made a huge mess from baking…so it took at while.
9:00
Hangout/bonding time on the porch. We talked for a few hours and then headed to bed.
6:42 a.m.
Alarms start going off in my side of the cabin. I still have eight minutes left on my alarm, but when you share a room with four other girls, the time you wake up and fall asleep often depends on them. I check my watch to make sure I still have a few minutes to sleep and then I roll over and try to catch a few more zzz’s.
6:50 a.m.
My alarm finally goes off and I roll out of bed, grab my contacts, and do the whole morning hygiene routine. Unless I am going to work out in the morning (like I am tomorrow morning – biking!!), I always shower before dinner or before bed so that I can wash the daily grime off. After I finish in the bathroom, I make my bed, get dressed, and gather my things for the morning.
7:17
I leave the cabin to head up to our common area/kitchen and dining room/classroom space: Mi Casa. Mi Casa is the common space that the backpacking program here (Eagle Quest) uses during the summer, and it’s a five-ish minute walk uphill from our cabins. This morning I almost turned around and grabbed my rain jacket because it looked like it was going to rain, but its been so dry out here that I decided against it..
7:22
I get to Mi Casa and I’m hungry and ready to eat breakfast. Unfortunately, someone locked us out of MI Casa the night before. Mi Casa is essentially a decked out screen shelter, so we have to close everything up at night to keep the raccoons out. The only time this is a bad thing is when someone accidentally forgets to leave the door unlocked.
7:25
I decide to go ahead and start my quiet time instead of eating breakfast first. We usually have an hour in the morning to eat and have a quiet time. I normally eat breakfast first so that I can spend as much time as possible in the word, but I switched it up a little today.
7:45
Josh and Meredith, our mentors/leaders, come to breakfast and unlock Mi Casa after sending another student on his bike to go find keys. I go inside, make some yummy oatmeal, and then go to have breakfast.
8:10
I go back to my quiet time. I read out of Matthew, Genesis and Job and then review verses from a lesson last night about God’s faithfulness, love, and how he always chooses us. Let me just go ahead and share those because they are incredible:
John 1:12-13; 1 John 3:1; Galations 4:6-7; James 2:5; Romans 8:17; 1 Peter 2:9-10; John 15:16; Isaiah 62:12; John 3:16; Romans 5:8; Romans 6:23; Hebrews 13:20; Hebrews 9:15; Romans 5:6,8; Romans 8:14-15; Matthew 1:21; Romans 6:1-6; Romans 8:1-2
8:12
It starts raining
8:53
We all stand outside for a few minutes trying to decide whether or not we should go to the training we are supposed to be at by nine. We start running there in the rain anyways (none of us have our rain jackets with us).
9:10
The guy who is supposed to be training us finally shows up and says we can’t do anything because of the rain. We go over some stuff anyways.
9:30
I run back to my cabin to get my laptop and then walk back up to Mi Casa. I journal and write until lunch.
12:00
A couple of the guys made grilled cheese and ramen noodles for lunch to mix up out usual spread of sandwiches and chips (we eat other things when we eat with retreat groups, but when we’re on own, its usually sandwiches).
1:00
Class time! We are starting from the basics and progressing throughout the year. Our class was over making observations while reading your Bible. We focused on 1 John 1:5-7 and discussed the importance of making observations before interpreting the Bible.
3:00
We met one of the full-time staff and went to go do a work project. We started making a garden and my job was to go find volleyball-sized or bigger rocks to line the garden with.
4:30
I went to the logistics meeting in the coffee shop so that we could go over the schedule for the group that came in tonight.
5:00
Dinner prep! Two other students and I made quesadillas and guacamole for everyone. I made some cupcakes too! We finally got some butter, vanilla, and eggs up at Mi Casa and I was so excited to bake again. That is definitely something that I miss.
7:00
We ate our delicious dinner. Yummm.
7:30
We started cleaning. I made a huge mess from baking…so it took at while.
9:00
Hangout/bonding time on the porch. We talked for a few hours and then headed to bed.
Mountain Biking - 9/14
One of the pros of Walkabout: each Walkabout student received a bike last week that we are able to use throughout the duration of the program. And let me tell you: these bikes are legit.
Flash back time:
Enjoying biking was someone I has to learn when I got here. When I first rode a mountain bike as a counselor in ’09, I hadn’t ridden something on two wheels since I was in middle school. You know, back when it was cool to ride around on your purple bike with your neighbors. The thing that had freaked me out the most about working at an adventure camp was riding around on things with wheels. I like to be secured by a rope, harness, or better yet, my own two feet on the ground. So of course, the first full day of my staff training involved a trip to our very own terrain park. If you aren’t sure what a terrain park is, think of a downhill dirt track with lots of hills and jumps built into its side. At this point, the terrain park was still fresh and new, which in Rocksprings, Texas means that it was still littered with rocks, gravel, etc. The other staff member started hopping on the mountain scooters and rolling right down, so I was feeling pretty confident that I wasn’t going to wipe out. That is, until I wiped out. HARD.
So the next week when we went to try out mountain biking down the trails here at camp, I was completely freaked out. I think I rode my brakes and held my breath the entire first ride.
Since then, mountain biking has become less terrifying, but it is one of those activities that I did have to force myself to love. I love the flying feeling of riding a bike. I’m still working on loving the rocks and steep hills, but for now we are on amicable terms.
Today was our first day to all bike together as a little walkabout family. It’s a good thing that I acquired that love of biking because somehow I was elected to be our fearless leader on the ride. We went riding down a county road that goes through camp and leads to other places in Nowhere, Texas. I thought that the beauty of camp was the ultimate sight, but the sky, hills, and scenery was ridiculous down that road. So just be warned that I might come home with a biking addiction.
Flash back time:
Enjoying biking was someone I has to learn when I got here. When I first rode a mountain bike as a counselor in ’09, I hadn’t ridden something on two wheels since I was in middle school. You know, back when it was cool to ride around on your purple bike with your neighbors. The thing that had freaked me out the most about working at an adventure camp was riding around on things with wheels. I like to be secured by a rope, harness, or better yet, my own two feet on the ground. So of course, the first full day of my staff training involved a trip to our very own terrain park. If you aren’t sure what a terrain park is, think of a downhill dirt track with lots of hills and jumps built into its side. At this point, the terrain park was still fresh and new, which in Rocksprings, Texas means that it was still littered with rocks, gravel, etc. The other staff member started hopping on the mountain scooters and rolling right down, so I was feeling pretty confident that I wasn’t going to wipe out. That is, until I wiped out. HARD.
So the next week when we went to try out mountain biking down the trails here at camp, I was completely freaked out. I think I rode my brakes and held my breath the entire first ride.
Since then, mountain biking has become less terrifying, but it is one of those activities that I did have to force myself to love. I love the flying feeling of riding a bike. I’m still working on loving the rocks and steep hills, but for now we are on amicable terms.
Today was our first day to all bike together as a little walkabout family. It’s a good thing that I acquired that love of biking because somehow I was elected to be our fearless leader on the ride. We went riding down a county road that goes through camp and leads to other places in Nowhere, Texas. I thought that the beauty of camp was the ultimate sight, but the sky, hills, and scenery was ridiculous down that road. So just be warned that I might come home with a biking addiction.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Weeks 1-3
It has been three weeks so far and I’m relaxing on my third day off since I’ve been here (which also makes it the third day that I have had internet). There is no cell phone service here either, so I either have to hike uphill for half an hour on a day off or go into town to use my phone (which I have done twice so far).
I absolutely love how separate Camp Eagle is from the rest of the world. I don’t miss the hours spent mindlessly surfing the internet or losing half of my day by watching movies. Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy finding wonderful recipes, poetry, blogs, etc. during my surfing and I love movies, but this change of pace is SO refreshing. The moon is so bright at night that I have a shadow and when the moon isn’t full you can see the Milky Way almost every night. Even getting dirtier, sweatier, and more tired each day feels incredible. In fact, I’m partially convinced that my feet can never stay clean for longer than half an hour at a time here. Nine months of this is more than anything I could have known to ask for.
So, what have I been doing for the past three weeks? So much!
I arrived at camp at about 4 p.m. on the 20th and after everyone helped me unpack my embarrassing car-full of luggage, I unpacked for a couple of hours and then we all 18 of us had dinner together for the first time. Before dinner, we had been told to put our bag of backpacking gear on our front porch and to take water and anything else we might need for a hike with us to dinner. After dinner, we were given a map of camp and a clue as to where we needed to hike to first. Since there were two other past counselors in the group and a past service teamer (service team is what they call the high school kids who come to camp each summer for a couple of weeks at a time to do manual labor at camp and be discipled), we made our way around pretty effortlessly. We went to three destinations and at each we were read a passage of scripture and asked to think about who God was there, who we are, and what we were willing to surrender. We were all asked to really think about why we had come, what we wanted to get out of these nine months and to really be honest with ourselves and God about what that would mean in our hearts and lives. At our final destination for the night, there were five tents set up and all of our gear was piled together. We had just begun our first trip together!
The backpacking trip lasted three days and three nights and was an absolute blast. Getting us out on trail and out of our comfort zones immediately really helped us to form faster as a group. We did a lot of getting to know one another and group development. It’s difficult to try and get to know 17 different people all at once, so we’re all still getting used to each other at this point. The tension rises and falls periodically within the group and because we’re essentially a bunch of siblings living in close quarters, some storming is bound to happen soon.
For the next week or so, we all worked on getting lifeguard certified and trained and then worked a mountain bike race. I was in the kitchen all weekend and loved it. Working in the kitchen is one of my favorite jobs, especially when I work with the old head cook and a current Walkabout leader, Meredith.
The day after the race ended, we packed up and headed to the little town of Rocksprings, which is about 45 minutes away from camp. We picked up trash, painted a couple of houses, and just loved on some of the kids that lived there. We ended the trip by going to their high school football game.
It has been a blast so far and I’m excited to start classes this week!
I absolutely love how separate Camp Eagle is from the rest of the world. I don’t miss the hours spent mindlessly surfing the internet or losing half of my day by watching movies. Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy finding wonderful recipes, poetry, blogs, etc. during my surfing and I love movies, but this change of pace is SO refreshing. The moon is so bright at night that I have a shadow and when the moon isn’t full you can see the Milky Way almost every night. Even getting dirtier, sweatier, and more tired each day feels incredible. In fact, I’m partially convinced that my feet can never stay clean for longer than half an hour at a time here. Nine months of this is more than anything I could have known to ask for.
So, what have I been doing for the past three weeks? So much!
I arrived at camp at about 4 p.m. on the 20th and after everyone helped me unpack my embarrassing car-full of luggage, I unpacked for a couple of hours and then we all 18 of us had dinner together for the first time. Before dinner, we had been told to put our bag of backpacking gear on our front porch and to take water and anything else we might need for a hike with us to dinner. After dinner, we were given a map of camp and a clue as to where we needed to hike to first. Since there were two other past counselors in the group and a past service teamer (service team is what they call the high school kids who come to camp each summer for a couple of weeks at a time to do manual labor at camp and be discipled), we made our way around pretty effortlessly. We went to three destinations and at each we were read a passage of scripture and asked to think about who God was there, who we are, and what we were willing to surrender. We were all asked to really think about why we had come, what we wanted to get out of these nine months and to really be honest with ourselves and God about what that would mean in our hearts and lives. At our final destination for the night, there were five tents set up and all of our gear was piled together. We had just begun our first trip together!
The backpacking trip lasted three days and three nights and was an absolute blast. Getting us out on trail and out of our comfort zones immediately really helped us to form faster as a group. We did a lot of getting to know one another and group development. It’s difficult to try and get to know 17 different people all at once, so we’re all still getting used to each other at this point. The tension rises and falls periodically within the group and because we’re essentially a bunch of siblings living in close quarters, some storming is bound to happen soon.
For the next week or so, we all worked on getting lifeguard certified and trained and then worked a mountain bike race. I was in the kitchen all weekend and loved it. Working in the kitchen is one of my favorite jobs, especially when I work with the old head cook and a current Walkabout leader, Meredith.
The day after the race ended, we packed up and headed to the little town of Rocksprings, which is about 45 minutes away from camp. We picked up trash, painted a couple of houses, and just loved on some of the kids that lived there. We ended the trip by going to their high school football game.
It has been a blast so far and I’m excited to start classes this week!
Monday, August 8, 2011
12 days, 12 thoughts
1. There are 12 days until Walkabout officially starts, 5 days until I officially move out, 4 days left of work, and -7 days left of a clean room.
2. I think one of my crowning achievements this year has been how organized and clean my room has been. Yes, there were definitely months at a time where there were at least 3 articles of clothing on my floor at all times, but if I had an hour or so, I could whip my room into a presentable state. That would NOT have been possible in my living quarters for the past...4-ish years? And now all of that success is packed away/in piles strewn across my floor.
3. Packing up a room always makes me feel like I am in Bellatrix LeStrange's vault at Gringotts. Everything I touch just seems to multiply. I think I am going to embarrass myself with how much stuff I take to camp.
4. As far as I can tell, there are 11 girls and 7 guys doing Walkabout. My friend Sydney, who did Walkabout last year, told me that one of the biggest blessings and biggest curses is that Walkabout gives you a community that is always up in your business. These people are going to know WAY more about me than some people I have known for years. Nuts!
5. I am SO excited to get to know full-time staff. Whether as a mentor, "big sister/brother," friend, etc., I really can't wait.
6. I am bringing my obnoxious collection of pillows with me. They make me comfortable. All 7 that I keep on my bed. End of story.
7. That's right, a few stuffed animals are coming as well.
8. I tried to check out a book from the library today and my ID card has been disabled. Feeling excluded by Baylor stings a touch.
9. I still have to order books, but 4 for the entire year is a LOT less than the 14 or so I would need for BIC each year!
10. My Chacos are resoled and happy :)
11. Let's be honest, Baylor encourages a "dress-to-impress" attitude, and the expectation for me to wear something other than a constant string of t-shirts is not going to change once I graduate to the real world. Keeping it casual for 9 months while wearing an embarrassing number of athletic shorts and t-shirts will feel WONDERFUL.
12. I still have so many people to see before I leave! And so many goodbyes to say!! None of which make me happy :( I will miss my dear, sweet friends.
2. I think one of my crowning achievements this year has been how organized and clean my room has been. Yes, there were definitely months at a time where there were at least 3 articles of clothing on my floor at all times, but if I had an hour or so, I could whip my room into a presentable state. That would NOT have been possible in my living quarters for the past...4-ish years? And now all of that success is packed away/in piles strewn across my floor.
3. Packing up a room always makes me feel like I am in Bellatrix LeStrange's vault at Gringotts. Everything I touch just seems to multiply. I think I am going to embarrass myself with how much stuff I take to camp.
4. As far as I can tell, there are 11 girls and 7 guys doing Walkabout. My friend Sydney, who did Walkabout last year, told me that one of the biggest blessings and biggest curses is that Walkabout gives you a community that is always up in your business. These people are going to know WAY more about me than some people I have known for years. Nuts!
5. I am SO excited to get to know full-time staff. Whether as a mentor, "big sister/brother," friend, etc., I really can't wait.
6. I am bringing my obnoxious collection of pillows with me. They make me comfortable. All 7 that I keep on my bed. End of story.
7. That's right, a few stuffed animals are coming as well.
8. I tried to check out a book from the library today and my ID card has been disabled. Feeling excluded by Baylor stings a touch.
9. I still have to order books, but 4 for the entire year is a LOT less than the 14 or so I would need for BIC each year!
10. My Chacos are resoled and happy :)
11. Let's be honest, Baylor encourages a "dress-to-impress" attitude, and the expectation for me to wear something other than a constant string of t-shirts is not going to change once I graduate to the real world. Keeping it casual for 9 months while wearing an embarrassing number of athletic shorts and t-shirts will feel WONDERFUL.
12. I still have so many people to see before I leave! And so many goodbyes to say!! None of which make me happy :( I will miss my dear, sweet friends.
Friday, August 5, 2011
I just met my first fellow Walkabouter!
Yesterday I had lunch with Tyler, one of the guys doing Walkabout. He just graduated from Midway and since we live so close to one another, we figured it'd be silly if we didn't meet before actually getting to camp!
I think I told him about 17 times that we were going to be best friends.
I think I told him about 17 times that we were going to be best friends.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
I'm nervous to actually look at a calander
I can't believe that I am leaving so soon.
I had reconciled with the fact that I was leaving for camp on August 20th. Great, I still had three-ish weeks. But now I have to move out of my apartment by August 13th though and I haven't done ANY packing. NONE. Can you say daunting? It took me an entire summer to move into that apartment, so I can't imagine how crazy my days are about to look. Not to mention that I have no idea where to start. At least I don't have to repaint yet. That much is a relief!
It's kind of sad to be moving out. This was the first room that was all mine, the first place I have lived away from my parents and off-campus. To be perfectly frank, I have a lot of awful memories in this apartment. But I also have so many incredible memories. I still remember the very first night I came to the apartment to move a few things in. I have done a lot of loving and growing in these walls and I'll definitely be getting emotional when it comes time to leave.
I had reconciled with the fact that I was leaving for camp on August 20th. Great, I still had three-ish weeks. But now I have to move out of my apartment by August 13th though and I haven't done ANY packing. NONE. Can you say daunting? It took me an entire summer to move into that apartment, so I can't imagine how crazy my days are about to look. Not to mention that I have no idea where to start. At least I don't have to repaint yet. That much is a relief!
It's kind of sad to be moving out. This was the first room that was all mine, the first place I have lived away from my parents and off-campus. To be perfectly frank, I have a lot of awful memories in this apartment. But I also have so many incredible memories. I still remember the very first night I came to the apartment to move a few things in. I have done a lot of loving and growing in these walls and I'll definitely be getting emotional when it comes time to leave.
Monday, July 25, 2011
I just did what?!
It's the end of July and this screen shot is enough to make any Baylor student's stomach drop. This is the page where all of your classes should be listed.
Oh that's right, I dropped all of them just a few minutes ago.
I was so nervous to do it! It has been so ingrained in me to compose the perfect schedule far in advance each semester that not having a schedule just makes me feel...unsafe.
In other news, I baked my first pie (from scratch) last night. It was delicious. Blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries with a homemade crust, complete with a lattice top. I am seriously going to miss having my own kitchen.
Sigh..that big old industrial kitchen at camp just won't be the same..
Sunday, July 24, 2011
In this moment... I am trusting God with my FOMO
FOMO: noun; the fear of missing out; can describe the fear of missing out on a social activity, conversation, or any kind of event or gathering
I am starting to get FOMO for this next year.
Nothing has made me want to change my mind about Walkabout, but I am starting to realize all the things that I will be missing out on. But of course, it is impossible to do anything or go anywhere without missing out on some experiences. Blame it on the laws of physics, but it's just impossible to be in two places at once, just so that you can make sure that you don't miss out on anything. This hasn't really bothered me in the past because the prospect of what I would be doing almost always outweighed the 'what if's that I knew I'd be leaving behind. But this year, I have a very clear picture of so many of the things that I will be missing. I will not get to spend another year with the seniors and grads in BRH. We will not be singing a song together at dessert theatre and I will not be a part of this year's #BRHatgraduation. I won't be around to continue to mend and build friendships that I have either just begun or have just rediscovered. Missing out on those relationships and experiences might just break my heart. I am leaving so many incredible people in Waco, some of whom I haven't even had the opportunity to let them know just how wonderful I think they are.
This might be one of the hardest things I'll be trusting God with this next year. I know that I will have a school to come back to and a family to look to for support, but I know that a lot will change when I'm gone.
Yes, going to Walkabout is something I know I need right now and for a while, I was too broken to see the things that I would miss about Waco. There are people, places, and situations in Waco that it is just healthy for me to distance myself from, but this summer has shown me just how loved I can feel by others in Waco and from all other walks of my life.
FOMO. FOMO. FOMO.
I really do have peace about leaving, but leaving behind so much love is never easy.
I am starting to get FOMO for this next year.
Nothing has made me want to change my mind about Walkabout, but I am starting to realize all the things that I will be missing out on. But of course, it is impossible to do anything or go anywhere without missing out on some experiences. Blame it on the laws of physics, but it's just impossible to be in two places at once, just so that you can make sure that you don't miss out on anything. This hasn't really bothered me in the past because the prospect of what I would be doing almost always outweighed the 'what if's that I knew I'd be leaving behind. But this year, I have a very clear picture of so many of the things that I will be missing. I will not get to spend another year with the seniors and grads in BRH. We will not be singing a song together at dessert theatre and I will not be a part of this year's #BRHatgraduation. I won't be around to continue to mend and build friendships that I have either just begun or have just rediscovered. Missing out on those relationships and experiences might just break my heart. I am leaving so many incredible people in Waco, some of whom I haven't even had the opportunity to let them know just how wonderful I think they are.
This might be one of the hardest things I'll be trusting God with this next year. I know that I will have a school to come back to and a family to look to for support, but I know that a lot will change when I'm gone.
Yes, going to Walkabout is something I know I need right now and for a while, I was too broken to see the things that I would miss about Waco. There are people, places, and situations in Waco that it is just healthy for me to distance myself from, but this summer has shown me just how loved I can feel by others in Waco and from all other walks of my life.
FOMO. FOMO. FOMO.
I really do have peace about leaving, but leaving behind so much love is never easy.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
In this moment, it is getting close.
I have one month and one day before Walkabout officially begins. For those of you who need a refresher on what Walkabout is and what I am doing, check out this guy: Walkabout
I have been overwhelmed by reasons and calls to Walkabout and as either of my parents and several of my friends know, when asked why I want to do Walkabout, the words just pour and pour out of my mouth. It felt like hundreds of little reasons all accumulated into this one undeniable calling to participate in Walkabout.
I am positive that different stories and reasons will show up in subsequent posts, but today, I really want to explore one facet of the Walkabout experience. An incredible friend of mine sent me a message yesterday that included several verses meant to encourage me. Thank you so much, sweet friend, because "mix tapes" of scripture are often the best therapy I can get.
Of all of the verses, one made me immediately think of Walkabout:
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness. First. Not simultaneously or secondary, but FIRST.
It doesn't take much reflection to realize that I have not been seeking God first and foremost in my life, especially in this past year. God has never been my number one focus. I have always sought to do things that are pleasing to others, not necessarily to God. Growing up, the things that were pleasing to others always seemed to correspond to what a 'good' person's life would look like. Do not lie, do your best in everything you do, have good morals, be kind to others, etc. Eventually, the desire to please others manifested itself in a constant struggle to live up to the expectations that other people had of me in the academic sense. I felt as though everyone expected me to excel in school and in extra-curricular activities, and because those things came easily to me, I went ahead and did just that. I though I was fulfilled by what I was doing, but in reality, while I was happy that I was successful at the things that I attempted, I was not being fulfilled.
I had no idea what to do once I began college. What other people expected me to do grew fuzzy, and I knew that I couldn't just rely on excelling in classes. I would have to choose what subject to study and what courses would be interesting to me and help me choose a career path that would fulfill me throughout my life. Right. Okay, so if I had been blindly following a path set out for me based solely on the expectations of others, you can imagine how lost I felt when I had to start making decisions on my own. At least I stuck to the humanities and didn't try to be all science-y. That would have really been a poor choice for me.
So I began trying to please different people, which usually meant boyfriends. Right. You can imagine how unfulfilling this can become, especially when you lose that significant other.
And because I didn't have a firm foundation in my faith and was only shallowly following the guidelines of Christianity, I did some things along the way that I am not proud of and that hurt me a great deal.
Thankfully though, somewhere along the way, all of the seeds that had been planted in my life came to fruition and I began to turn to God in my times of need. Not always and not with the knowledge, understanding, and faith that I needed, but I was building my foundation - a foundation that would came and rescue me from the darkest days that I had ever seen.
All of that to say, I have not spent the time that I need seeking God's kingdom. I long for direction in my life, but I can how expect to know where to go when I do not have the knowledge of God's will and the discernment that comes from faith to understand what steps will take me closer to God? To find that direction, I need to seek God first. And this is what I hope Walkabout will help me to do. I do not want to graduate college without the knowledge that comes from earnestly seeking God. I do not want to choose further direction for my life until I have formed the habits that will allow me to view my decisions through a spiritual lens.
This is my hope. This is my goal for the next year.
I can withstand any storm if I have God as my foundation. This is the rock that I want to build into my life. This is the most important thing I could be doing. This is more important than any degree, any preconceived timelines that I had made for my life, and any resume that I am trying to build. And I thank God for giving me the courage to pursue it.
I have been overwhelmed by reasons and calls to Walkabout and as either of my parents and several of my friends know, when asked why I want to do Walkabout, the words just pour and pour out of my mouth. It felt like hundreds of little reasons all accumulated into this one undeniable calling to participate in Walkabout.
I am positive that different stories and reasons will show up in subsequent posts, but today, I really want to explore one facet of the Walkabout experience. An incredible friend of mine sent me a message yesterday that included several verses meant to encourage me. Thank you so much, sweet friend, because "mix tapes" of scripture are often the best therapy I can get.
Of all of the verses, one made me immediately think of Walkabout:
Matthew 6:33: But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness. First. Not simultaneously or secondary, but FIRST.
It doesn't take much reflection to realize that I have not been seeking God first and foremost in my life, especially in this past year. God has never been my number one focus. I have always sought to do things that are pleasing to others, not necessarily to God. Growing up, the things that were pleasing to others always seemed to correspond to what a 'good' person's life would look like. Do not lie, do your best in everything you do, have good morals, be kind to others, etc. Eventually, the desire to please others manifested itself in a constant struggle to live up to the expectations that other people had of me in the academic sense. I felt as though everyone expected me to excel in school and in extra-curricular activities, and because those things came easily to me, I went ahead and did just that. I though I was fulfilled by what I was doing, but in reality, while I was happy that I was successful at the things that I attempted, I was not being fulfilled.
I had no idea what to do once I began college. What other people expected me to do grew fuzzy, and I knew that I couldn't just rely on excelling in classes. I would have to choose what subject to study and what courses would be interesting to me and help me choose a career path that would fulfill me throughout my life. Right. Okay, so if I had been blindly following a path set out for me based solely on the expectations of others, you can imagine how lost I felt when I had to start making decisions on my own. At least I stuck to the humanities and didn't try to be all science-y. That would have really been a poor choice for me.
So I began trying to please different people, which usually meant boyfriends. Right. You can imagine how unfulfilling this can become, especially when you lose that significant other.
And because I didn't have a firm foundation in my faith and was only shallowly following the guidelines of Christianity, I did some things along the way that I am not proud of and that hurt me a great deal.
Thankfully though, somewhere along the way, all of the seeds that had been planted in my life came to fruition and I began to turn to God in my times of need. Not always and not with the knowledge, understanding, and faith that I needed, but I was building my foundation - a foundation that would came and rescue me from the darkest days that I had ever seen.
All of that to say, I have not spent the time that I need seeking God's kingdom. I long for direction in my life, but I can how expect to know where to go when I do not have the knowledge of God's will and the discernment that comes from faith to understand what steps will take me closer to God? To find that direction, I need to seek God first. And this is what I hope Walkabout will help me to do. I do not want to graduate college without the knowledge that comes from earnestly seeking God. I do not want to choose further direction for my life until I have formed the habits that will allow me to view my decisions through a spiritual lens.
This is my hope. This is my goal for the next year.
I can withstand any storm if I have God as my foundation. This is the rock that I want to build into my life. This is the most important thing I could be doing. This is more important than any degree, any preconceived timelines that I had made for my life, and any resume that I am trying to build. And I thank God for giving me the courage to pursue it.
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