Monday, November 14, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center of a Tootsie Pop…
As I’m sitting here licking/crunching the first Tootsie Pop I’ve consumed in years, I realized that I haven’t written a serious blog in a while.
As the weeks go by, I miss my computer less and less and find that I simply have no reason to be on it. So it sits on my shelf, forgotten, until nights like tonight. I’ve also fallen in love with writing by hand all over again, so I’ve become slightly reluctant to type much of anything. I’m definitely writing things by hand more than I have in years; I can tell because I filled up almost a fourth of a journal since I have been here – a journal that I have been writing in since March 2009.
I’ve had such mixed feelings about filling up my journal. I have been carrying the same pages around for over two years, filling it with prayers, daily concerns, verses, quotes, emotional vomit, insights, thoughts, and countless words. It’s like a little snapshot into my heart, and I’m reluctant to let it go. At the same time, I love fresh starts and everything that they symbolize, so I’m becoming attached to my new journal awfully fast. I have a feeling that it will fill up before these nine months are over.
So I definitely need to update about the solo trip:
We drove to South Padre on Monday morning. I woke up in the wee little hours of the morning so that I could shower before camping out for a couple of days, and then we scooted on out of camp at 6 a.m. I rode with Jaclyn (our director’s wife), her baby Madison, and two other Walkabouters (Grant and Madei) on the way there. It was delightfully chill and nap-filled. After having to stop our caravan about every hour for tiny bladders, we finally made it to Padre. We drove into the park, pulled into the welcome center for one last bathroom stop and to organize our supplies, but as soon as we all stepped out of our vehicles, everyone started coughing and sneezing. There was red tide.
This is where I wish I had internet and could tell you a dozen little facts about red tide, but here’s what I do know:
FACT:
We were all coughing because red tide causes people to react with allergy-like symptoms. It affects people who already have allergies worse than other people.
FACT:
Red tide’s main effect is that it kills fish. The park ranger said that they hadn’t had a major fish kill in two weeks. He also said that it wasn’t that bad on most part of the beach.
FACT:
The red tide was worse the further down we went on the beach and the there were dead fish EVERYWHERE. The stench was horrible and the red tide was affecting us so badly that some people were having trouble breathing.
Long story short, the red tide made us turn around and drive back to camp again. We stopped and ate some pizza, then headed back to camp, a little sniffly and pretty disappointed that our beach trip was ruined. It’s hard to know that God has perfect timing and plans for everything but still want to be bummed about not getting to stay on the beach for 4 days. I had no idea then what a huge blessing that getting turned around would turn out to be.
The next morning, we all met at Mi Casa at 11 for a late breakfast and to discuss what we would be doing instead of our solo. Aaron sat us down, debriefed the day before briefly, and then told us to grab what we had packed to go to the beach because we were starting our solo in the back country of camp in about an hour. Talk about a lot of ups and downs; we went from mentally preparing for our 48 hour solos, to being disappointed that they weren’t going to happen anymore, to having to mentally prepare for them all over again in an entirely different setting.
Oh man, I can’t even begin to describe how incredible those two days were. I was one of the first two people to get dropped off. I have been out to the back country a couple of times, so I knew exactly where I was, but it was a completely new experience for me to be back there alone. I was able to be in constant conversation with God for two entire days, without distraction or ceasing. It’s hard to explain, but spending that time being so intimate with God changes your heart in some subtle, but powerful, ways. For the first time, I felt my heart really and truly fall in love with God. I had no idea what to expect from my solo; I didn’t think God would give me some huge revelation and I didn’t have any huge sin in my life that I wasn’t already in conversation with God about. So, God just used that time to revive my soul and turn over more of heart to him. Those were the best two days that I can ever remember having.
You should check out the photo album on the Camp Eagle Walkabout facebook page to see pictures!
As the weeks go by, I miss my computer less and less and find that I simply have no reason to be on it. So it sits on my shelf, forgotten, until nights like tonight. I’ve also fallen in love with writing by hand all over again, so I’ve become slightly reluctant to type much of anything. I’m definitely writing things by hand more than I have in years; I can tell because I filled up almost a fourth of a journal since I have been here – a journal that I have been writing in since March 2009.
I’ve had such mixed feelings about filling up my journal. I have been carrying the same pages around for over two years, filling it with prayers, daily concerns, verses, quotes, emotional vomit, insights, thoughts, and countless words. It’s like a little snapshot into my heart, and I’m reluctant to let it go. At the same time, I love fresh starts and everything that they symbolize, so I’m becoming attached to my new journal awfully fast. I have a feeling that it will fill up before these nine months are over.
So I definitely need to update about the solo trip:
We drove to South Padre on Monday morning. I woke up in the wee little hours of the morning so that I could shower before camping out for a couple of days, and then we scooted on out of camp at 6 a.m. I rode with Jaclyn (our director’s wife), her baby Madison, and two other Walkabouters (Grant and Madei) on the way there. It was delightfully chill and nap-filled. After having to stop our caravan about every hour for tiny bladders, we finally made it to Padre. We drove into the park, pulled into the welcome center for one last bathroom stop and to organize our supplies, but as soon as we all stepped out of our vehicles, everyone started coughing and sneezing. There was red tide.
This is where I wish I had internet and could tell you a dozen little facts about red tide, but here’s what I do know:
FACT:
We were all coughing because red tide causes people to react with allergy-like symptoms. It affects people who already have allergies worse than other people.
FACT:
Red tide’s main effect is that it kills fish. The park ranger said that they hadn’t had a major fish kill in two weeks. He also said that it wasn’t that bad on most part of the beach.
FACT:
The red tide was worse the further down we went on the beach and the there were dead fish EVERYWHERE. The stench was horrible and the red tide was affecting us so badly that some people were having trouble breathing.
Long story short, the red tide made us turn around and drive back to camp again. We stopped and ate some pizza, then headed back to camp, a little sniffly and pretty disappointed that our beach trip was ruined. It’s hard to know that God has perfect timing and plans for everything but still want to be bummed about not getting to stay on the beach for 4 days. I had no idea then what a huge blessing that getting turned around would turn out to be.
The next morning, we all met at Mi Casa at 11 for a late breakfast and to discuss what we would be doing instead of our solo. Aaron sat us down, debriefed the day before briefly, and then told us to grab what we had packed to go to the beach because we were starting our solo in the back country of camp in about an hour. Talk about a lot of ups and downs; we went from mentally preparing for our 48 hour solos, to being disappointed that they weren’t going to happen anymore, to having to mentally prepare for them all over again in an entirely different setting.
Oh man, I can’t even begin to describe how incredible those two days were. I was one of the first two people to get dropped off. I have been out to the back country a couple of times, so I knew exactly where I was, but it was a completely new experience for me to be back there alone. I was able to be in constant conversation with God for two entire days, without distraction or ceasing. It’s hard to explain, but spending that time being so intimate with God changes your heart in some subtle, but powerful, ways. For the first time, I felt my heart really and truly fall in love with God. I had no idea what to expect from my solo; I didn’t think God would give me some huge revelation and I didn’t have any huge sin in my life that I wasn’t already in conversation with God about. So, God just used that time to revive my soul and turn over more of heart to him. Those were the best two days that I can ever remember having.
You should check out the photo album on the Camp Eagle Walkabout facebook page to see pictures!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Chilly weather!
It’s a milestone day: I had to wear a jacket almost all day long for warmth.
Also, I’m enjoying wearing argyle socks with chacos :)
Bring it on winter!
Also, I’m enjoying wearing argyle socks with chacos :)
Bring it on winter!
10/17
I found out in class today what will happen on our next trip. We leave in one week for Padre Island, and for the first 48 hours we will be totally isolated. That means that our directors are going to take us in a truck and drop us off a half-mile or so from one another and then pick us up two days later. We made mini stoves the other day our of soda cans and today we cut two sticks, got an 8x10 tarp, and several pieces of p-cord to make our shelters out of. Basically, we are living in a extremely minimalistic way for two days so that we can be totally alone with ourselves and God.
God has a habit of making himself known in big ways out in the wilderness and in our world, where we constantly escape God, our thoughts, and finding out who we are by listening to music, watching tv, or being around people, having a 48 hour solo is something none of us would be likely to do on our own time.
I have no idea what to expect from this trip, but I think it will be the hardest one of the year. I expect it to be hard and revealing, awful and beautiful. Honestly, I am afraid of what God might reveal to me about myself during that time. I know that I have hidden a lot of things deep inside of my heart and I have no idea what he is going to bring out. I won’t have my watch or any way to time how long I spend reading the bible, journaling, or even sleeping. I won’t be able to see or talk to anyone (don’t worry, we’ll be given whistles and air horns for safety). I won’t have anything but my journal and the Bible.
This trip has the potential to do big things in my heart and in my life and I am praying for the courage to be ready to deal with whatever God puts on my heart.
God has a habit of making himself known in big ways out in the wilderness and in our world, where we constantly escape God, our thoughts, and finding out who we are by listening to music, watching tv, or being around people, having a 48 hour solo is something none of us would be likely to do on our own time.
I have no idea what to expect from this trip, but I think it will be the hardest one of the year. I expect it to be hard and revealing, awful and beautiful. Honestly, I am afraid of what God might reveal to me about myself during that time. I know that I have hidden a lot of things deep inside of my heart and I have no idea what he is going to bring out. I won’t have my watch or any way to time how long I spend reading the bible, journaling, or even sleeping. I won’t be able to see or talk to anyone (don’t worry, we’ll be given whistles and air horns for safety). I won’t have anything but my journal and the Bible.
This trip has the potential to do big things in my heart and in my life and I am praying for the courage to be ready to deal with whatever God puts on my heart.
10/14
Sometimes it is still so surreal that I am living here because of how incredible my days are here. Two days ago, I spent most of my day in class and we spent almost the entire time discussing 1 John. Seriously, how often does that happen? How often do you get hours upon end to sit with a group of people and really get after a book of the bible? And even then, how often does that happen without being distracted by the constant barrage of distractions, worries, and cares that everyday life brings? We sat in Mi Casa with our Bibles and notes with nothing but the beauty of our surroundings to distract us.
But not only am I in a place where I have experience spiritual discipline like never before, I am also living more adventurously than I ever imagined I had the capability for. I had to clean up breakfast today, but afterwards I played a round of disc golf with Tyler, Heather, and Andrea (all Walkabouters) (well, by a round of golf, I mean that we played until Tyler’s disc landed in the river and he was too cold when he got out of the river to play anymore), a game that I never imagined I would like. Then I exercised with one of my roommates, cleaned lunch, and then went to work the rappel site for 3 hours. I never would have pictured myself sitting on the top of the ledge of a cliff, just chatting with a friend, but that’s I did all afternoon while waiting for people to come up and rappel. Afterwards, we all went on another long bike ride and fell in love with creation all over again.
My days here are ridiculous. Most days are incredibly busy and exhausting (I have to be in the kitchen at 6:30 tomorrow morning to prepare breakfast), but when I have free time, I am able to do the most incredible things. Even when I am working though, I wouldn’t trade what I do for anything other job. This is the place I wanted to come to when I needed an escape; I saw it as a safe haven. Now, it has worked its way into my heart in such a way that I see it as home.
But not only am I in a place where I have experience spiritual discipline like never before, I am also living more adventurously than I ever imagined I had the capability for. I had to clean up breakfast today, but afterwards I played a round of disc golf with Tyler, Heather, and Andrea (all Walkabouters) (well, by a round of golf, I mean that we played until Tyler’s disc landed in the river and he was too cold when he got out of the river to play anymore), a game that I never imagined I would like. Then I exercised with one of my roommates, cleaned lunch, and then went to work the rappel site for 3 hours. I never would have pictured myself sitting on the top of the ledge of a cliff, just chatting with a friend, but that’s I did all afternoon while waiting for people to come up and rappel. Afterwards, we all went on another long bike ride and fell in love with creation all over again.
My days here are ridiculous. Most days are incredibly busy and exhausting (I have to be in the kitchen at 6:30 tomorrow morning to prepare breakfast), but when I have free time, I am able to do the most incredible things. Even when I am working though, I wouldn’t trade what I do for anything other job. This is the place I wanted to come to when I needed an escape; I saw it as a safe haven. Now, it has worked its way into my heart in such a way that I see it as home.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Life goes on and on and on...
Facts about my life lately because I've been too busy/tired to write posts:
1. There is a Baylor alum here working for a few weeks and every time we do a sic 'em together, my heart is SO happy!'
2. I had my birthday on the 6th! I was so happy when I got on the internet today and dozens of people had wished me happy birthday. I know that it is so hard to contact me/keep in touch/communicate with me at all out here, but it was incredible to see that so many people were still thinking about me :)
3. Walkabout threw a birthday party for me and the other two thirds of my baking club made me a delicious raspberry lemon cake. I thought that the party started an hour later than it really did, so I showed up a full 45 minutes late to my own birthday party. It's my party and I can be fashionably late if I want to...?
4. My bike rides are getting progressively longer, which makes bike-riding bonding time even more legit. I have had some of the best conversations here while on a bike ride. My recent buddy has been Heissel, who warms my heart each time we chat.
5. I might be heading to College Station for a day this weekend!!!
6. There was a wedding here this past weekend for one of the full-time staff members. I didn't get to see the wedding because I was cooking for the reception the entire time, but everything that I saw was beautiful. His new wife will be moving out here and I cannot wait to see another couple living out here. The marriages here are beautiful to see; they are such testaments to a Christ-centered union.
7. I have been busybusybusy. Retreat season is crazy, especially when we have classes and all kinds of various things in between.
I'm finally settling into life here and I couldn't be happier :)
1. There is a Baylor alum here working for a few weeks and every time we do a sic 'em together, my heart is SO happy!'
2. I had my birthday on the 6th! I was so happy when I got on the internet today and dozens of people had wished me happy birthday. I know that it is so hard to contact me/keep in touch/communicate with me at all out here, but it was incredible to see that so many people were still thinking about me :)
3. Walkabout threw a birthday party for me and the other two thirds of my baking club made me a delicious raspberry lemon cake. I thought that the party started an hour later than it really did, so I showed up a full 45 minutes late to my own birthday party. It's my party and I can be fashionably late if I want to...?
4. My bike rides are getting progressively longer, which makes bike-riding bonding time even more legit. I have had some of the best conversations here while on a bike ride. My recent buddy has been Heissel, who warms my heart each time we chat.
5. I might be heading to College Station for a day this weekend!!!
6. There was a wedding here this past weekend for one of the full-time staff members. I didn't get to see the wedding because I was cooking for the reception the entire time, but everything that I saw was beautiful. His new wife will be moving out here and I cannot wait to see another couple living out here. The marriages here are beautiful to see; they are such testaments to a Christ-centered union.
7. I have been busybusybusy. Retreat season is crazy, especially when we have classes and all kinds of various things in between.
I'm finally settling into life here and I couldn't be happier :)
Monday, October 3, 2011
Starbucks again
I'm in town for the second time since I've been to camp. I have missed the smell of coffee, but being around so many people is so strange! The four of us who are in town together went to Walmart a few hours ago and it was so striking how different everything seems after you have been at camp. Acclimating myself to the real world again will be interesting come May...
I want to use my sparse internet time to reply to emails, send messages to friends and loved ones, and just be social with people that I miss. Unfortunately, I have had to spend my precious hours on calling loan lenders, taking exit counseling for loans because I dropped below half-time enrollment, and ordering contacts.
Things I don't miss:
-errands
-having to keep with all of my responsibilities (it's so easy to not have to think about them on days without internet access)
-spending money
That about sums up my day.
In other news, I have a HUGE praise! Someone is going to move into my apartment in two weeks!! I am so excited!! That relieves so much stress off of me and my family :) God really does provide. I love him so much.
I want to use my sparse internet time to reply to emails, send messages to friends and loved ones, and just be social with people that I miss. Unfortunately, I have had to spend my precious hours on calling loan lenders, taking exit counseling for loans because I dropped below half-time enrollment, and ordering contacts.
Things I don't miss:
-errands
-having to keep with all of my responsibilities (it's so easy to not have to think about them on days without internet access)
-spending money
That about sums up my day.
In other news, I have a HUGE praise! Someone is going to move into my apartment in two weeks!! I am so excited!! That relieves so much stress off of me and my family :) God really does provide. I love him so much.
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